Hey, 16.....

Earlier this year, I came across some excerpts from a website titled "dearme.org."  The site references a collection of letters written by famous personalities, addressed to their 16-Year-Old selves.  I found the concept intriguing, and eventually purchased the book.

Reading through a number of these letters drafted by celebrities and artists such as Stephen King, William Shatner, the Duchess of York, Lynda Evans (Wonder Woman!!!) - and encouraged by the suggestion from "dearme.org," I was inspired to take a step back, consider myself at the formative age of 16, and conjure up my own words of wisdom.

Looking back, I had big hair, big eyes, big dreams.  What could I tell myself now, that I didn't know then?  What wisdom could I impart that wouldn't neuter my youthful spirit; that wouldn't crawl under my skin and stick like tiny splinters of self-doubt and discouragement?  What might I say that would inspire me to welcome challenge and growth and change with the same innocent, untarnished hope - while steering me gently away from the pitfalls I knew I would eventually come across?

And finding the answer wasn't easy.  Just like it wasn't easy at 16.  At any age, it seems we struggle to identify who we are, versus who we'd like to be, and who or what we might have been.  No matter how far we've come, we catch ourselves desperately seeking validation and reassurance - You're doing it right.  You're living it right.  You're OK.  You're not alone.  Keep going.

Looking back, all I can think to say to myself is this:  LEARN TO DRIVE.

As early as the law will permit, learn to drive.  Learn quickly.  Learn efficiently.  Learn confidently.  Accept with gracious humility the grave responsibility that comes with freedom.  Don't neglect it.  Revere it.  You're one step closer to becoming YOU.  And coming from a person who didn't learn to drive until she was 25, acknowledging my failure to do so as much as a decade earlier, carries with it a huge admission of cowardice and guilt.  Learning to drive isn't just a means to get from Point A to Point B.  It isn't merely a burden lifted from the countless parents, relatives and friends who carted us around, or the convenience of bypassing the often unreliable and inefficient routing of public transportation, but in truth - Learning to drive is a right of passage.  A license to drive becomes the not-so-gentle push that boots the chick from the nest, and gives her wings.  

No matter what the excuse not to try - and I had them all - in retrospect, I see.  None were good enough to excuse me from learning life's lessons as they presented themselves.  They were all right there, waiting to be received.  I shied away, I turned my back, and I ignored the knock of opportunity.  I didn't realize that the sooner we embrace these lessons, the faster we learn to fly, the broader our view, the higher we soar.  I couldn't have known how important that period of procrastination was, and how much that one decision - to postpone getting a driver's license - would spiderweb into a map of tangled trails and traps.  I couldn't have comprehended how much it would invariably affect my life.

So, 16 Year Old Me:  

LEARN. TO. DRIVE.


And when you do, pay close attention to the following:

• Practice simple control skills, like turning and braking
• Proper use of discipline and control will come to mean more in your life than you can even fathom.  When you see that open road ahead, and you're tempted to let loose, fast and furious, just remember you need to make time for the fundamentals.  You must learn quickly when to temper your passion, how to harness your speed.  Learn now, to brake cautiously, without stopping.  To slow down, and feel the turns.  It's all part of the journey, and you don't want to miss a thing.

• Get comfortable with how your vehicle handles
•  Know what you're driving, and learn how to care for it. Understand how it operates, its strengths, its weaknesses.  Know when to challenge it - and when to accept its limitations.  Maintain its condition to the best of your ability.  This is your vessel, your machine.  It may not be perfect, but it's perfectly yours, and it can take you wherever you want to go.

• Look for potential road hazards
• Drive cautiously and defensively.  Don't be timid and fearful of the unknown, but beware that the road ahead is full of potholes and obstacles.  Expect the unexpected.  Be prepared for anything.  It can, and will happen to you.

• Come to a full stop at a stop sign
• Heed warnings.  Learn to recognize a stop sign, and respect it enough to sit back, evaluate, and make decisions.  None of us like to take "no" for an answer - especially when we're young and determined - but there are times when we all need to stop and reflect.  While driving, mind the 3-Second Rule.  In life, understand it may take a little longer.  

• Keep a safe following distance
• Sometimes we're uncertain of our direction or not quite ready to take the lead.  In uncertain times, remind yourself that following can be dangerous.  Choose your leaders carefully, and don't lose sight of your boundaries.  You may find it easier one day, to fall in line and assimilate, but be conscious of where you're headed, because chances are, the one you're following will neglect to look back and look out for you.  

• Keep a constant speed when going uphill
• When faced with an incline, keep your foot on the gas, and don't push too hard, too fast.   Hills can be stressful on your engine, and maintaining a steady pace promotes strength and endurance.  Rely on persistance and temperance to lift you safely to your destination. And when you arrive, don't forget to take a minute to pause, look around, and enjoy the view.

• Recognize and understand signs

• Signs - both internal and external - are vital when traveling down any road.  External signs provide information, give direction, issue warnings.  Remain alert, and process the meanings of the signs in your path.  As you travel, learn to recognize and understand internal signs as well.  Our reflexes, our instincts, our intuitions speak to us.  Don't ignore the intangibles.  In driving and in life, learn to listen to your gut.  It always seems to know when there's cause for concern.  The first time you're tempted to ignore a sign -  to avert your eyes, to brush something unsettling under the rug - the first time a noise or a comment makes you bristle, the first accident or argument that should have been avoided, the first time you excuse yourself for no apparent reason - Your gut knows.  Never be content to negate your autonomy, to surrender the wheel of your own vehicle.  Don't live to avoid potholes or construction.  The ride may feel smoother for a short while, but down the road, bigger faults and fissures will find you.

• Change lanes
• When you finally begin learning to drive, don't be afraid of changing lanes.  Resist the urge to map your route from start to finish, or to skirt around freeways and heavy traffic. Changing and shifting lanes is a necessary part of migration and progress. Learn to reevaluate your position at any point.  Take a look around, Use your mirrors, assess the risk, signal your intentions, and make your move.  If you make a mistake, you can always find a place to pull over, reassess and regroup.  

• Merge into traffic
• Merging can be intimidating, particularly in high traffic areas.  Know when to yield, and when to take your turn.  Be cautious, but confident.  There may be times when you have to compromise to get where you're going, but as you pull forward and fall in line, don't lose sight of your destination.  There is no "auto-pilot" in every day life.  No matter what, you're responsible for operating your own vehicle.  It's important to make sound decisions, execute efficiently, and keep your goals intact.  If the traffic flow alone is what's carrying you forward, and the momentum you feel is external or out of balance, pull over, dig deep, find your direction, and adjust accordingly. 

• Maintain a safe speed, based on road conditions
• There will be times when inclement weather and/or uncontrollable circumstances may present themselves.  All good drivers have had to face periods of darkness, glare, fog, poor traction, congestion and construction.  It's important to remain confident while cautiously respecting the conditions.  Heed the signs. Slow down.  Watch.  Listen.  Many have passed before you.  Others have traveled these roads, been lost, been found, been turned around - before you.  Some have helped to pave the way.  Keep moving toward your goal, and don't let the conditions keep you from confronting the challenges and tackling the rough terrain.

It doesn't seem like much, 16 year old Me, but I've come to realize that these types of lessons sort of fade into you.  It took navigating through much of my young life to understand that there were turns taken too quickly, mergers destined to fail, periods of lost momentum and control, strained endurance, poor discipline, and so many signs gone unheeded and ignored.  I'm not sure you can truly prepare yourself for life's bigger tests. You just have to climb in, face the road, turn the key, hit the gas, and put yourself out there.  If you sit around waiting for your life to start, you'll wake up one day in an unfamiliar place, not quite knowing how you got there, or how to get back.  Remember to keep on top of routine maintainance and regular inspections.  Check your mirrors, make adjustments, and be clear about signaling your intentions.  Don't settle for being a passenger in your own life. This is your chance to take the wheel, and DRIVE.

Best of Luck in all of Your Travels!
- L. xoxo