Well, Lover Boy, you may be right. We see proof all week. Posts about dreading Monday, welcoming "Hump" day, TGIFs. Those of us who work a standard Monday through Friday yearn for the end of the five day jail sentence. We sit at our desks, wishing our lives away, however sad that may be.
So, what do we do when we get to that Friday? What do we make of an open door, a free pass, a pardoned sentence? I guess it all depends, and I can only speak for me, but lately it's been disheartening. I wish the week away, only to embrace a weekend of anesthetizing, procrastinating, avoiding and lamenting. I tell myself I'm overwhelmed, I need a break, I have to get away. I justify my lack of presence by saying I need some escape from reality. I need some mental nourishment; some food for the soul.
And then, I wake up Sunday morning, after a Saturday of self indulgence, dreading Monday, and knowing that I squandered the weekend away. I wake up cold and tired, realizing the avoidance was all for 'naught; that I'm no better off, than I was on Friday. No further along, than I was last Monday. And the guilt washes over.
What have I done with my weekend? Where has the time gone? Why am I still so overwhelmed? And what is it, really? Why can't I get some relief? Why do I feel like I'm wading through cold water - why do I feel so behind the tide? It doesn't make sense. I took a break. I fed myself. Didn't I?
And then, it hits me. A wave of realization. I did nothing of the sort. Avoidance isn't feeding. Avoidance is just that. I put my life aside, for a weekend. I ignored ME. I thought I was taking a break, and in reality, I was nailing myself into a coffin. Sounds a little harsh, but it's basically true. The more you look the other way, the more you disappear. And when you do it, week after week after week, you continue to support your own burial.
I don't know about the rest of you, but I don't want to work for the weekend. I want to work for ME. I realize most of us aren't fortunate enough to get paid for what we're best at - to get compensated for the work that feeds our souls - and I accept that. But don't we owe it to ourselves to NOT squander our free time? Shouldn't we be working for our weekends? Shouldn't we be using them to feed ourselves, heal ourselves, get back to good?
I think so. And I'm not looking forward to another guilt-ridden Sunday. I want to go into the week with a good attitude. I want to work for the weekend, knowing I have a purpose. I want to wake up on Saturday morning, feeling like life is waiting for me. I want to feel like everything is still possible. Because it is, isn't it? We're all working for the weekend, and there's a reason for that. There's promise in the weekend. "Everybody needs a second chance. "
-- L.
So when I first started to read, I instinctively geared up for my "don't be so hard on yourself" comment. But I love where you took this.
ReplyDeleteAnd we've talked about this on a different scale. Remember I told you that when I chose Accounting as my major going into college, it wasn't a "follow my passion" choice. Instead, it was a calculated decision to admit that I'd need to pick a practical career, and Accounting was something I thought I could be good at. I planned or hoped that I would be successful enough without selling myself out to be able to pursue my passions during the time outside of my career. That would be nights and weekends.
What I didn't realize is that my nights and weekends turn out to include something else. I didn't expect the fight against cynicism I'd fight every week. So, my weekends turn into a battle of trying to get re-grounded within myself, in order to be able to pursue my passions. Which, sometimes I'm more successful than others.
That last paragraph, the revelation there, I was able to put together because of what you wrote above. I think I've always treated my weekends that was, but somewhat blindly. With revelation comes clarity and with clarity comes a better chance at success.
AND...I'll add this: weekends represent these short moments of life we're given to take advantage of. If life is short and we only have one shot at it, then these little 2-day snippets of life are even shorter, and we DO owe it to ourselves to take advtantage of each moment to be true to, and celebrate, ourselves.
I LOVE THIS POST - thank you!