Be The Phoenix

A few of my friends have been going through some rough times, and when asking one of them how his weekend went, he told me it was good, because he'd been able to "shut off his brain."  While I was glad he was able to characterize his weekend as "good," I was surprisingly disheartened by his explanation.  Red flags went up immediately, and I thought - We shouldn't have to shut off our brains to get by.  If we're closing off our minds, how are we fine?  And why are we burying ourselves, to create this illusion of peace and contentment?

And not that I fault my friend.  I think we all do this, to some extent.  It's easier to suppress, ignore, avoid, than to face those inner demons.  Easier to drown out those internal and external cries for help.  Let's put up a wall, let's buffer our hearts, let's hide from the rest of the world.  And then, we can pretend we're happy.  Who wouldn't be happy with a shield against angst?  Who couldn't be content with a fortress to keep our psyches safe?  And yet, we're muting the very thing that makes us who we are.  By isolating the brain and its responses, we're ignoring the single-most, central part of ourselves.  And yes, the brain tells the heart what to do, most of the time.  And yes, segregating the brain, can mean losing heart.  

But shouldn't we be switching ON our brains?  Shouldn't we be tapping their energy, and letting them drive us?  Our brain power should be able to charge through the muck, weed out the bad, and dispose of it.  If we neglect to encourage this process, the muck will grow and suffocate us.  There's a point where extraneous litter builds to trash, and trash continues to pile, and piles become too overwhelming to sort through.  Who wants to live in an intellectual and psychological dump?  Who wants to be a pain and anxiety hoarder?

So, I considered all of the ways we choose to suppress ourselves.  We use everything from lack of confidence, to substances, to verbal and physical abuse - and even suicide - to negate who we are.  We turn away from ourselves, when we need ourselves the most.  And why do we do it?  Why do we need to escape so badly that we let other people decide for us, and control us.  We let addictions take over.  We let codependency convince us that other peoples' lives are more important than our own.  Why aren't our brains protesting?  Why aren't they crying for help?

And the fact is, I don't know.  And maybe it's not the same for everyone.  The truth is, I understand my friend's need to shut off his brain.  I know what it's like to be malcontent.  I have my own nagging subconscious, and I struggle daily to mute it.  I'm only suggesting that maybe we should stop trying to silence our thoughts, take a listen, and invest in ourselves a bit more.  Maybe paying attention will wake us up.  Maybe reconnecting will create the spark that fuels us, and moves us forward.  We all deserve to experience that fire inside of us.  It's who we are.  Don't be content to put it out, and move on.  Let's not live the rest of our lives in heaps of smoldering ashes.

- L.