Fear Between Divides Us

"The future is no place, to place your better days." - DMB

Borrowing from one of my Facebook posts today, and coincidentally, another Dave Matthews song - I'm using the quote above to elaborate on a central theme in my life.  Specifically:  Waiting for it to start.

I know I'm not the only one guilty of procrastination.  I'll work on that tomorrow, We'll talk about it tomorrow, I'll lose weight - TOMORROW.  Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.  It always seems like a cleaner, easier option.  Tomorrow - not as muddy as today, not as challenging as mustering up the courage NOW.  Like Annie says, "The sun'll come out - TOMORROW."  Somehow, tomorrow is full of possibility.  Tomorrow is full of dreams.  Tomorrow is that transparent, dangling carrot.

So, placing your better days in your future is natural.  There's a certain yellow hope that rides on the future - a certain promise, an unblemished dream.  At least, for me.  Each new day, I wake to believe that it's all still possible.  I'm still destined to be special, still waiting to be born.  I make decisions, make plans, make promises. It feels real, every morning.  It still feels possible.

And then,the night comes.  I look at the "To Do" list, only half checked off (if I'm lucky), and I see myself in the mirror.  And I realize, the only changes made today are negative at best, and I resign myself to a glass of wine, a seat on the couch.  I surrender to tomorrow.  Tomorrow.  Every day, is leading to tomorrow.

And while I want to keep believing in the possibility of tomorrow, I understand what Dave is saying, when he sings, "The future is no place, to place your better days."  The time is now.  You have to live your lives today, and not wake up, waiting for them to begin, not go home to spouses you can't love, or careers you don't embrace.  You can't lay down and accept today, because TOMORROW is the be all and end all.  Because every time you wake, tomorrow becomes today, and your happiness is still one day ahead.

So, what makes us put off until tomorrow, what we can do today?  In a society where people need instant gratification, what makes us satisfied with postponing our happiness?  If we're malcontent, why do we wait?  Why does procrastination become so central to our existence?

And for me, I think it's fear - Not so much fear of failure, but fear of not being perfect.  Fear of not living up to my own expectations, fear of creating something perfect that can't exist without being marred in some way - big or small.  I spend so much time planning, wishing, wanting, and yet - I'm afraid of DOING.  I'm drawn to the possibilities, I'm inspired by the challenge, I even like the chase - but I'm afraid of doing it wrong, afraid of the imperfect, afraid of not being quite.....right.

So, I place my better days in the future.  I live for tomorrow - and the hope that it will bring me everything I need, that I'll be every thing I need - one day.  The "fear between divides us," all of us - but divides me internally.  Who I am/ Who I want to be.....still separated by fear.  And maybe not just fear of failure, but fear that what I want just doesn't exist.  Fear that I'll create my world, and it'll disappear slowly, under my feet.  Fear that it wasn't meant to be.  Fear that the sun won't come out - tomorrow.

So, no matter what the issues are, I think we'll agree that we have to keep trying.  Try not to place all of your faith in tomorrow, try to live a little bit for today.  Try not to fear the unknown, try not to lose faith in what's possible.  And if you get a little lost, a little stuck, remember the words of Scarlett O'hara, "After all, tomorrow IS another day."


- L.