How ARE You?

So, let's talk about the relatively casual, usually rhetorical, question: How ARE you?  I think it's safe to say, an acceptable answer is "Fine, thank you.  And you?"  Let's be honest, anything above "fine" or "good" is surprising, and oddly reassuring - but anything under "fine" or "good" is best kept under wraps.  People don't really want to hear about your aches and pains, physical or otherwise, unless they're somehow emotionally vested in your well being.  

To be truthful, my honest answer to the question would be "I'm overwhelmed.  Probably 99% of the time."  And then, I started to think about what that meant, and realized - we never use the word: "Whelmed."  We're always, OVERwhelmed.  So, what does it mean to be just plain whelmed?  And the fact is, I really don't know.  I never even considered it.  It seems like one day, I woke up, and all of the sudden - I was overwhelmed.  I can't determine when, - or if - there was a specific time when I crossed the line between "whelmed" and "overwhelmed."  Almost like being whelmed is all or nothing. Either you're overcome with the feeling, or it's not there at all.  

According to Merriam-Webster, the definition of "Overwhelmed" is:

 o·ver·whelm Verb   /ˌōvərˈ(h)welm/

Synonyms:

• verb: overpower, crush

• overwhelms 3rd person singular present;   overwhelming present participle;   overwhelmedpast tense;   overwhelmed past participle

• Bury or drown beneath a huge mass
  • the water flowed through to overwhelm the whole dam and the village beneath
• Defeat completely
  • his teams overwhelmed their opponents
• Give too much of a thing to (someone); inundate
  • they were overwhelmed by farewell messages
• Have a strong emotional effect on
  • I was overwhelmed with guilt
• Be too strong for; overpower
  • the wine doesn't overwhelm the flavor of the trout

Bury or drown beneath a huge mass?  Well, I wouldn't necessarily say I'm buried and drowning.  And "huge mass" is relative.  Aren't all problems relative?  I mean, we can always find someone who's worse off than we are - someone busier, who works harder, who struggles more.

Defeat completely?  Uhh....not completely.  Losing the battle, maybe?  Falling behind?

Give too much - Hmmm......this one, I can relate to.  At least, wanting to give too much.  Trying to give too much.  

Strong emotional effects.  Let's talk about guilt for a minute.  Guilt is a HUGE factor for me.  Feeling guilty, saying sorry, wanting to carry other people's burdens.  Stopping to take inventory is something I rarely do.  WHAT am I carrying?  WHY am I carrying it, and WHO am I carrying it for?

Be too strong for; overpower.  Well, not yet.  Not to say the journey doesn't get rough, but it hasn't beaten me completely.  There are days when I feel like it's stronger, when I feel like I'm weak, but the wine doesn't overwhelm this fish either.  I keep swimming upstream.

In considering everything above, it seems like OVERwhelmed is probably the wrong word to sum up my well-being, and I'm going to attempt not to use it, going forward.  

Let's look at the definition of "Whelmed":

• 
  

  •  whelm Noun   /(h)welm/
    Synonyms:

    • verb: inundate, flood, deluge, overflow
    • whelms plural
    • An act or instance of flowing or heaping up abundantly; a surge
      • the whelm of the tide
  •  whelm Verb   /(h)welm/
    • whelmed past participle;   whelming present participle;   whelmed past tense;   whelms3rd person singular present
    • Engulf, submerge, or bury (someone or something)
      • a swimmer whelmed in a raging storm
    • Flow or heap up abundantly
      • the brook whelmed up from its source
• Flowing or heaping up abundantly?  Well, yes.  That's my life.  And yes, I feel like I'm engulfed in it sometimes.  But, abundance can be curbed and controlled.  The power of being whelmed can be captured, and dammed, and used to propel us forward - we don't have to be flooded and consumed.  Before we resign to being overwhelmed, we should ask ourselves if we've actually crossed that blurry line from "whelmed" to "overwhelmed."  Chances are, we haven't.  And like me, the next time someone sincerely asks, "How are you?"  You'll answer, "Fine, thank you.  How are you?"  And we'll mean it.  

- L.